Psalm 86 - When I Need to Stop "Fixing" and Live by Faith

Summer in the Psalms

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What does it mean to "live by faith"? If you're like me, there have been moments when I think I'm living by faith but later realize I was blinded to see my attempts to strategize, analyze, and "fix" a situation for the lack of trust, lack of faith, it really is. When this "strategizing" is based on my emotions and perspective rather than my trust and dependence on God, I'm not living by faith; I'm living by my own strength.

Relying on our know-how and limited understanding while also trying to be a follower of Christ is a common picture of a divided heart. And, we're not the first to struggle in this way. King David prayed for God to give him an undivided heart in Psalm 86. My friend, Mary Thionnet, too, has known this struggle, specifically as a mother, and she's sharing her reflection to help challenge us to fix our eyes on Jesus rather than trying to fix the situations before us.

Mary Thionnet serves the Pastor of Kids Ministries for Crossings Community Church at the OKC location. She and her husband, Jeff, have four young adult children. Together they enjoy traveling to Washington, hiking, and spending time outside.

“Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. - Psalm 86:11

I can’t remember the exact year, but my four children were somewhere between the ages of 2 and 14 at the time; now, they are 19, 23, 25, and 31. I can’t even say with absolute certainty which child was at the center of this "moment"—though I’m 99% sure I know which one it was! What I do distinctly remember is the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, fear, and despair as the realization hit me: parenting is hard.

Fast-forward a few years, and one of my children was going through a particularly challenging season. In my weakness, I mistakenly tried to handle their struggles with my own strength rather than through faith in God. I analyzed, I strategized, and I tried to 'neutralize' their behaviors. I became completely fixated on my child, going full throttle to 'fix' them.

Although I was still spending time with the Lord—praying and reading His Word—I wasn’t truly trusting Him. My focus remained on what I could do. I lived for months in a state of sheer desperation, operating on autopilot to control everything I encountered. I reached out to prayer warriors and prayed constantly with my husband. I was doing all the "right" things, but I didn't have the "right" heart. I lacked a heart that truly believed God is sovereign and His timing is perfect. I wanted change now, and I wanted a guarantee that my child was going to be okay.

I thought this journey was about my child’s problems. And while God was certainly working on them, He patiently and lovingly showed me that this journey was also about me. He taught me that I needed to love Him more than anything—even my children. I had to come to the end of myself and learn what it truly meant to live by faith. I realized that when I fix my eyes on my children instead of God, I inadvertently turn them into idols.

Then, through His Word He brought me back to Him, an invitation to freedom that I didn’t fully understand at first. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on such things.” — Philippians 4:8

I have to admit, I had a brief "pity party" after reading that verse. I looked up and said, “Well, God... there is nothing lovely or right about this situation!” In that moment, I could almost see the Lord doing a "face-palm." Then, I felt Him lean in to gently whisper: "I am all those things. Focus on Me. Trust in Me. Have faith in Me."

In that moment, I experienced complete peace and freedom. I finally let go and allowed God to do what only He can do. I asked for forgiveness, sat in His presence, and fully released my child to Him.

Looking back now, I see the fruit of that release. That child has grown into a productive, responsible adult who deeply loves the Lord. We both grew through that trial of fire. I don’t know what the future holds for any of my children, and I don't need to know every detail. I have moved from a place of control to a place of deep-seated conviction. I have faith that God loves them more than I can possibly imagine.

I stand on the promise that God, "who began a good work in them will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). When I get impatient, I am reminded of Psalm 86:15-16:

“But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant and save the son of your maidservant.” - Psalm 86:15-16

God has a plan. He frequently speaks to my heart and says: “Mary, don’t fret. You don’t need to know the plan. You know Me. I’m enough. Rest in Me. Trust in Me. Live by faith.”

I’m sharing this because I suspect I’m not alone in this struggle. If you’ve felt the bone-deep exhaustion of trying to control every outcome, or a constant fear of the future, maybe it’s time to look up and see where your gaze has landed. There is so much freedom in realizing that while we are called to love our children deeply, we were never meant to be their savior.

Dear Lord, Thank You for loving us with a perfect, steadfast love. Thank You for this day and for the precious gift of our children—lives You entrusted to our care. You are a good Father who gives good gifts, and we acknowledge that You are the source of every blessing. Help us to walk in Your ways and be obedient to Your will. Give us the wisdom to steward their hearts. Teach us to gaze at You so steadily that our children see Your reflection in us. May we experience Your peace—the peace that surpasses all understanding—knowing that You love them even more than we do. Amen.

Now, It's Your Turn!

I challenge you to take a moment to pray, then read or listen to Psalm 86 today. Think about what stands out to you. Consider writing down a statement of faith. It may help to think of this as an I-statement. Maybe yours is similar to Mary's:

When there is nothing "lovely" or "right" about the situation before me, I can choose to focus on God and how He is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. As I focus on God and trust in His sovereignty over the situation, I am practicing living by faith.

Then, jot down a question to think about today. Maybe yours is similar to Mary's:

What do I need to fully release to God today?

May this reflection lead our hearts to gratitude and praise today and may we stand in victory against the tactics and schemes of the enemy.

And praise God for refreshment as we are intentional to spend a summer in the Psalms together, for if we want His truth to ever be on our lips, it must first be planted in our hearts.

Our strength grows as we rely on strength from above. Our joy grows as we see God transforming us from the inside out. Our peace grows as we spend time in God's presence, and we find rest when we intentionally seek the Lord first in our lives, for the Lord is ever our portion.

The good life, well it starts with a good day. Then another. Then another. Let's choose to live #TheGoodDay one day at a time.